I have spent the last eight and a half years loving being a Momma and our homeschool journey. But I have always been a little reserved with it, and I have received my share of backlash for our choice and decision to pursue the homeschool path.
I have wanted to write about this negativity since I started plans for this blog three years ago. Every time I sat down to write it or jot notes down for it, my response always came up short, though, in my opinion, of the message I wanted to express to others. It felt snarky, rude, and judgmental. Precisely the feelings I had felt each time someone criticized our choices. No matter how I worded things, I couldn't get out what I wanted to say.
I am the worst with confrontation. So, if you are looking for those fun, snarky comebacks to the socialization questions, this is not the post for you. I want others to know that they are not alone and that this pursuit and calling is not weird and half backward as some might claim it to be. I set the girls and me up for much negativity in our choices when I chose to homeschool and full travel time. This negativity can hurt even more when it comes from your own family or someone you admire.
The negativity I have experienced has sometimes made me question my abilities. I am lucky to have the educational background (Bachelors in English and Secondary Education Certification). I have discovered that it isn't entirely essential to have. Nothing has prepared me for the early years of teaching someone how to read and the basic math fundamentals. It is not what I was "trained" to do as a teacher. Yet here I am. One child is an avid reader and math lover, and another is following right behind her just as fast. I have learned through all of this that I am perfect for our girls. My dreams to write and teach are being fulfilled right here with them. Those negative nay-sayers can no longer control me. My dream to lead is not a status thing; it instead allows me to use my talents to be a servant of God in the plans she has laid before me.
While the idea of homeschooling is not different to most people, most people still see it as negative and harmful. There are always people out there who will judge us for the things we do. I don't want to have to account for everyone else and their opinions, just my own, and that they are pleasing to God. I try to look at the comments as advice. Like with pregnancy or health issues, everyone has advice. Some of its sound, some of its wrong, and some of it is just plain crazy.
For the last few years, I have been on a path of loving myself and deepening my faith and the faith in our home. In doing so, I have been better able to handle the negativity that has surrounded our choices. My husband and I have fought some personal battles during this time as well, and if I become brave enough, one day, I will share those as well. All of this growth has led me to actively see that my role as a homeschool Momma has been God's plan for me all along.
As I sat in church one time, God revealed how I could convey this message to others within the sermon. (I love those moments when you can feel God nudging you). We have been fortunate to attend services at several locations of Elevation Church for the past year. Pastor Steven Furtick's message that the other Sunday was "The Danger of a Dream," centered around the bible passage Genesis 37:5 (Joseph had a dream, and when he told it to his brothers, they hated him all the more).
What struck me in his message was that when we pursue God's plans for our lives, it often appears "different," and it isn't what others are doing. When our plans begin to align with God's plan, the dreams we have often make us a target for others. For me, what sealed this message was that our destiny is often revealed to us differently.
I'm running with this advice. The dreams God has for me go well beyond what someone says about me in reaction to their previous knowledge and understanding of what it takes to be a homeschooling family. All of the battles we have gone through are helping prepare these little girls for the world around them. There will always be someone out there that makes us feel like nothing. But it is my choice not to let it bring me down, and it is my choice to continue this path, even if it is different.
I never thought I would be here, but here I am, and I love this life God has given me.